8 Reasons He Cheats

Guys reveal why they became unfaithful

By Chelsea Kaplan

Sometimes, when the going gets tough, the tough get it on with someone else. But what really makes men stray? A nagging girlfriend? Bad sex? An escape from loneliness? Yes, yes and yes. Hear why these men slipped away from their girlfriends and landed in someone else's bed. Then — whether you're a guy or a girl — use the info below to sidestep this kind of situation in your love life.

Reason #1: For payback
"I once cheated on my girlfriend after I saw on her cell phone that she had been text-messaging with her ex. They were pretty harmless messages, but it angered me that she had been communicating with him in the first place — I'd always thought they were a little too chummy. That night, I was out with friends and had a lot to drink. I got so worked up about those messages that I pretty much made it my mission to find another girl and hook up with her, which I did. I think it was a payback thing. We eventually broke up, but not because of that incident — I never told her — but more so because we just weren't right for each other. I know it wasn't the best way to handle my anger, but at the time, it sure did feel good."
— Christopher, 29, Oakland, CA

Reason #2: The physical attraction just isn't there
"Ever since I can remember, I have always been attracted to women with large chests. My ex-girlfriend was great in a lot of ways, but she was completely flat-chested, which did absolutely nothing to make me sexually attracted to her. I tried to look past it, but it was hard. About two months into our relationship, I was out with a bunch of friends at a sports bar, and our incredibly hot and ample-chested waitress was really hitting on me. She gave me her number and asked me if I wanted me to meet her after her shift was over. I agreed, and ended up sleeping with her. It was just a one night thing, but it helped me realize I needed to end things with my girlfriend, because I had to be with someone I was madly attracted to."
— Dave, 26, Roanoke, VA

Reason #3: She just isn't there
"I cheated on my ex at a time when she was traveling so much that I never saw her. It was almost as if I didn't have a girlfriend. I got so lonely — especially on the weekend nights, and I missed that companionship, both physically and emotionally. When she was gone, I began seeing someone else while I was still technically seeing my ex. I ended up telling my ex and she broke it off with me. In the end, I think things ended for the better, even though the steps I took to make it happen weren't very honorable. I now make sure that whoever I choose to date doesn't have a job that requires big-time traveling."
— Scott, 30, Jessup, MD

Reason #4: He thinks he's missing out
"I had dated Melanie all through college ever since we met at orientation. After we graduated, I moved to New York and she moved to Chicago, but we decided we'd stay together. I spent nearly every weekend traveling to see her, but during the week, I'd go out with my friends in New York and have a blast. After a few months of that drill, I knew staying true to her would be tough; going out in the city made me realize how many smart, beautiful women are out there, and never having been with anyone other than Melanie made me feel like I was missing out on a lot of fun. One night I hooked up with another girl, which finally made me realize I had to end things with Melanie. I told her what happened, and, as it turned out, she had done the same thing a few times. While we were both hurt, we realized we needed to take some time off. We stayed friends, and still are today, even though we're married to different people."
— Tom, 35, New York, NY

Reason #5: He's moved on emotionally
"I met my ex in a Weight Watchers meeting, of all places. When we started dating, we were both about 50 pounds overweight. As the months went by, I took the program really seriously and quickly dropped weight. She didn't adhere to the program, and her weight didn't come off. After I lost the weight, I felt this new sense of confidence — women who had never spoken to me before began approaching me, and it felt great. My ex, on the other hand, was depressed about being heavy, and was always jealous of other women. One weekend when she was out of town, I met this gorgeous woman at my gym and we slept together. I never told my ex, but I did end up breaking up with her a few weeks after that incident. I've realized since then that I need to be with women who are on the same page as me about the things in my life that are important."
— Brad, 41, Houston, TX

Reason #6: There's too much fighting
"My ex and I used to live together, and we fought all the time. The constant tension made me miserable. In contrast to my ex, there was a girl at work who was easygoing, friendly and fun. One night we were both working late and ended up getting a drink together after we left. One thing led to another, and I ended up staying over at her place. As bad as this may sound, after that happened, I felt free. It was as if I finally had the courage to just end it with my ex already. When I came home the next morning, my ex went crazy, but for the first time, it didn't bother me, because I knew what I was going to do. I told her exactly what had happened and that I'd be moving out that week, and I did. I began seeing the girl from work, and we've been together for about four months now."
— Nate, 34, Boulder, CO

Reason #7: He needs a shot of self-esteem
"I'm really shy, and have never felt very comfortable approaching women. I once had a girlfriend who was just as shy as me. Our relationship was fine — nothing too exciting — but I was resigned to the fact that it was my best option. I went to a conference for business, and during one of the dinners, a really attractive, sexy woman at my table began hitting on me like mad. I was so shocked; nothing like that had ever happened to me before. It made my self-confidence skyrocket, and I felt on top of the world. She and I were together that night and a few other times during the conference. I never told my ex about what had happened, but I did end things with her a few months later. After the conference the other woman and I never saw each other again, but the experience gave me the confidence that I could go out and approach interesting, exciting women — I just needed that push."
— Charlie, 33, St. Louis, MO

Reason #8: To fulfill a fantasy
"I once cheated on my girlfriend of six months when a girl I had been pining over for quite some time came on to me. She had been with someone else for a long time, so I knew she was off-limits. I have to admit, I'd still probably do it again; it was like my fantasy finally came true. I broke up with my girlfriend and dated this girl for a while, but we didn't last. Sometimes, the fantasy is better than the reality!"
— Mark, 44, New York, NY

Chelsea Kaplan is a Senior Editor at The Family Groove. Her blog, "I'm Somebody's Mother?" can be found at www.rumymother.blogspot.com.
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Wedding lists : guide

If you're setting up a wedding list of gifts that you desire, this is one of the best ways to ensure you don't get three vases and four jugs on the big day.

The Internet can do many things but as it can't perform the ceremony for you, then let it help you plan your gift wedding list for guests only too happy to buy you a little something and that need some ideas.

From wedding stationery to wedding dresses and even wedding night lingerie, websites such as Confetti.com and hitched.com try to answer all your questions, and sell you all the things you will need, before your wedding. They'll even spell out the role of the father of the groom, teach the best man some clean jokes and emphasise the importance of cleaning your nails before you swap rings.

Wedding Lists :


With guests and family living all over the country - or throughout the world - it is becoming common to have an online wedding list: extremely useful and efficient.

Proudly called "most popular list in the country," John Lewis offers a first-rate service with half-a-million gifts to choose from. There's the added advantage that as well as buying online or over the phone, your guests can visit a John Lewis store and select their gift in person. And the happy couple can track what has and hasn't been bought on the list in the run-up to the big day.

Similarly, Marks and Spencers' Gift Registry allows you to select from a wide range of presents. You can even create the list online. This website requires slightly more computer know-how from the couple receiving the gifts (who have to set up the list), than from their family and friends, who simply have to log-in and spend.

Companies that lack the high street presence of those leading stores can still offer a huge range of gifts and services. Online expertise includes suggestions such as offering the less than inspiring, but still useful, gift of money or the opportunity to pay for your honeymoon (for example £95 for a flight upgrade or £15 for breakfast in bed).

A guide to music downloads

Increasingly music downloads are becoming the route of choice for people to access information any time of the day or night - just look at how the iPod has taken off in he last two years.

We thought we could give you a very quick rundown of essential things to know when you're downloading music - just so you can see what you need to look out for :

• Get a decent computer. High-performance PCs can be bought for as little as £299.
  
• Get as much RAM (Random Access Memory) for your computer as you can afford. More RAM equals better performance
  
• Prepare to "rip" your CD collection. Ripping is the process by which you load all your favourite music - whether complete albums or just song - from CDs onto your computer
• as small digital files
  
• The most common digital format is the MP3. The type of file you use will depend on which music jukebox software you use for your digital music library. If you have a Mac, it will come with iTunes ready-loaded If you have a PC, it should have Windows Media Player (which uses WMA). But you can also download free ones, such as Musicmatch and iTunes for PC
  
• Organise. Once you've got your music collection on PC, you can set up "playlists" of songs
  
• Expand your digital music collection by either shopping at an online "record store", or visiting a band or artist's own web site (these often offer free downloads). Via the internet, these files are downloaded directly into your music library. You can buy single tracks rather than an entire album and you can preview each song with a simple mouse click before you buy. Good stores are iTunes, Oxfam's Big Noise Music and Napster
  
• If you intend to buy music online, get a broadband internet connection - downloading via a dial-up modem is slow and frustrating
  
• Don't forget that when you buy a legitimate track or album, you are entitled to burn it onto a CD
  
• If you want to listen to your digital music collection on the move, the choice of mobile player is mind-boggling. The market leader is the iPod, and its storage capacity is enormous. Other good brands are Creative and Phillips
  
• Finally - don't share your music with others. This is illegal. But if you only download from legitimate sites, and you don't allow people to copy your collection, you're fine